January 21st

Mattering

To my dear TFMC family,

Early in my Spiritual Care residency, I was assigned to the Ear, Nose, and Throat unit. Methodical by nature, I decided to start at one end of the hall and work my way down. My very first patient was gently sobbing. When I asked what was wrong, they shared that after weeks in the hospital, they felt invisible—as if no one was truly listening or cared that they were there. My heart broke.

Each of us longs to matter, to have a purpose in life, to make a difference.  We long for value, worth and dignity.  We long for, as Richard Beck writes, “the eccentric gift of worthiness.”

Perhaps this is at the root of the midlife, or even the quarter-life crisis.  In our own evaluation and assessment of ourselves, we conclude that our accomplishments, our performance, and our achievements.  Even the self-evaluation question of “have I made a difference” isn’t a helpful measure of a life lived.  We can’t ever really know the answer to that last question.  We do not know the ways that we’ve impacted people’s lives.

Rather, what we’re looking for are signs or signals that we matter.  And here’s the thing.  Mattering isn’t a measurement, it’s not binary (insofar as you do or don’t), and it’s not an evaluation.  You can’t or don’t earn it, you can’t win it.  Rather, it’s a gift.  

As Henri Nouwen is quoted as saying, “We are not what we do.  We are not what we have.  We are not what others think of us.  Coming home is claiming the truth.  I am a beloved Child of GOd.  We no longer need to beg permission from the world to exist.”  For Nouwen to say or write this, as someone who wrestled with this in their own life, this is a profound statement. And one that’s come from deep soul searching.

We each matter to God.  While that might not be earth-shattering news to folk who grew up in the church.  It is actually a profound statement that is counter-cultural.  We matter to the divine.  In this great expansive creation, we matter to God.  Not for any particular reason, other than that we exist.  Or as the Psalmist writes, “we are fearfully and wonderfully made.”  

Saint or sinner alike, we matter to God.  This is an experience of grace.  That no one person, as much as our human sensibilities might want to deny them, is beyond the grace of God.  And this is the Good News: you matter, you have value, worth, and dignity; you are a beloved Child of God.

Back to the hospital.  Science and medicine are amazing in what they can do; the ailments they can treat, and to a degree, the just about miraculous procedures they can perform.  However, the one thing that science or medicine cannot treat or heal, the one thing that it cannot touch, is the soul.  We’ve learned that when the soul is not tended to, healing and recovery take longer.  When we feel we matter, this gift of grace strengthens us, energizes us and empowers us.  Or to say it more succinctly, we have a reason to live.  

As I visited with that patient that day, we explored ways that they felt they mattered.  You could feel something lifting in that room.  And when I returned days later, their mood, attitude and prognosis had changed, because they were able to claim that they mattered.

Yours,

Craig Janzen Neufeld, Pastor